"Some people come into your life for a lifetime, some come for a season. You got to know which is which. You're gonna always mess up when you mix them seasonal people up with lifetime expectations."- Madea
She definitely said it best.....
Friends are the best assets anyone can have. There are pretty much three categories of friends. At least as I found applying to my life. The social friends, the occasional friends, and the great friends. My friend Kevin put the categories in better KFC terms: There are the Original, the Crispy, and the Grilled. Well, as named, the group in each category narrows down as one goes from one to the other...until you reach a point where you can count on your friends on one hand.
Social friends/Original friends, or what I would call seasonal friends are just that. You see them when you go out. In this instance, I have school friends, work friends, school friends, and salsa friends. These are the people that you put a happy face for, you are never you, because you don't trust them, and in return, they probably do not trust you. They are fun to be around, they make you feel to a certain degree like you belong to a very unique 'club' (and I use that term lightly). Now with these seasonal friends, there are two categories....those you nod to, and those you kiss on the cheek when you see them out. The nodders will be the people you've had maybe one or two conversations with. Those are the ones you smile at, and well, wave too. But anything closer, is speculative. Then they are the ones that you kiss on the cheek. These friends are close to you, to a certain extent. They might know superficial details about you, like your name, where you are from, sometimes they may even know as much as what kind of job you have. They will know who you "seem" close to. In the dance scene, these are the ones who sometimes seek you to dance, and sometimes they will be aloof. There is no contract between you, there are no bounds, therefore, it is quiet okay for them to be on one end of the dance floor, and you on the other. Alert: Do not confuse these social friends for friends. You might see them all the time, but what you have is a superficial relationship. Do not expect to find yourself in their foto albums, and vice versa. Most importantly, you might feel like you are close, and have a good connection, but if they do not have your phone number, or at least your email, then hang out with them, have fun...and at the end of the night, go home, and wait till the next time you meet.
OCCASIONAL friends (Crispy) are the most confusing. you see like the branches on a tree, they can break any time. Some of them do not, but some of them do. Occasional friends has two categories, and an extra category which is bound to be a breaking branch. The first two categories are the call-me-when-you-go-out and the see-you-when-I-see you. the extra category is the dating. the first subcategory is of those friends who have you phone number, and well, they seem to watch your facebook updates too. you are close but not that close. Once in a while, you will go to someone's house and party. But with these friends, there are not dinners,unless they come after a night of dancing. You can get drinks together, but even that comes once every blue moon. The second subcategory is a complicated one. These friends well, you are great together....but that is if you ever go out together. You start out being the best of friends, but eventually, if you lose interest in what you have in common, then you probably will not see them again. For example, these are the friends that you probably used to go dancing with a lot, and as long as you maintained their tempo, you were fine. You guys become a clique, and eventually, you might be recognized not as you, but as part of that group. However, the moment you step back a bit, those friends are not the great group you were. It becomes an occasional thing. In fact, if you do not make the effort to see them, well, then that's that. A good example is the college scene. Friends you had for four years, and you were great, you did everything together, called each other EVERYDAY...even when you knew you were going to see each other sometime that day. then you graduate, and that becomes the end of that. You become something of a good memory, and a once-in-a while call. then there are the dating material...these dart between being seasonal and being casual. You can trust them, but there is a point of holding back, as they are what might be a broken or breaking branch. Some of them stay and become your occasional friends, but some disappear. But some end up fitting in the third category.
Alert:These friends are not really casual, but neither is it something serious. If you were dying, they would not give you their kidney if you needed it, and if you were in a financial bind, they are definately not the ones to go to. (although I should say that, there are some in this group that might take you out and get you obliliated if you had a bad day). It is important to note that you cannot let yourself be upset about them not being there for you. As far as they are concerned, you are not that close. Don't be mad if they won't call you when you are sick, or check on you if they haven't heard from you in a week. Or don't remember your birthday. That is putting too much expectation on what is just a casual friendship.
The Greats (Grilled-cause they are good for you) are few, and very treasured. Or they should be treasured. They are great, they are wonderful. You trust them with your life and they do the same. They take you for who you are, and not for who they believe or want you to be. In a way, the great friends are like the socialist motto: each to his own ability. They give you their time, their space, they let you in, and you give what you have. It is a not a match of equality. It is a match of mutual respect and love for each other.
Some of these greats turn out to be your significant others...but most of all, these are the ones that you can be yourself around. No pretenses, no facades. There are few in these category. If you find three solid ones, then you are the most blessed of persons.
Alert: it is easy to take them for granted, so make sure you don't. Pay attention to their needs, and help when you can....that would be the base of stronger years, and maybe decades together.
***You have to come to terms with who your friends are, and what they do in your life. Confusing these friendships and expecting more from seasonals or Casuals will hurt you eventually. So know who your friends are, and most importantly, do not forget to love those who love you.
Some people are like leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they over there. They unstable. Blows the other way, they over here. Seasons change, they wither and die, they gone. That's alright. Most people in the world are like that. They just there to take from the tree. They there to take and give shade every now and then. That's all they can do. But don't get mad at em, that's who they are. Some people are like a branch on that tree. You gotta be careful with them branches too cause they'll fool you. They'll get there and make you think they a good friend and real strong, but the minute you step out there on em, they'll break and leave you high and dry. But if you find you two or three people in your life that's like the roots at the bottom of the tree, you are blessed. They're the kind of people that ain't goin nowhere. They ain't worried about bein seen, don't nobody have to know that they know you, they ain't got to know what they doin for you. But if them roots wasn't there that tree couldn't live. You understand? When you get you some roots hold on to em. But the rest of it you let it go.- Madea
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